Dear Mr. President,
I believe you are paying Mr. Rudi Giuliani $20,000/- per day for just simple lying, concocting wild stories about US votes being counted in Spain and regularly making a fool of himself in the courts. Of course, I understand he is representing you and acts as your mouthpiece and the ideas are all yours. But Sir, I think he is taking you for a ride. That is too easy. You are paying him too much for something any one of us can do better.
Sir, please hire me. I can make up stories so wild they will make even you blush, lie my head off for no reason (ask my wife) and make sure that your supporters know the truth about Biden’s win. For example, I have inside information that the recent Spacex launch to the Space Station was just to carry away legal votes meant for you and dump them in outer space!
See how much inside information I have? But that is not all. I am all set up and ready to stop them. I have created a SpaceVac that will suck all those votes back from outer space and dump them into your box in Georgia. If they can give 3 days more for votes mailed in, surely they can give a few days more for votes from outer space! And Sir, since you are going to be broke, sorry, bankrupt, and in jail very soon, I can give you a substantial discount on my services. I will do your bidding for a lot less, less than what Rudy will make over the next couple of months.
Still too much? Okay, okay, here’s my final offer – a lot less than you paid that adult-film star.
And those Supreme Court heads that you appointed? Just say the word, Sir, I will make ‘em spin!