Politicians’ lies already creating jobs, industries – in the India West, San Francisco, CA

I always thought that the most boring jobs must belong to people who research and expose our politicians’ lies.  After a recent electoral debate, I read an online list of lies that each politician had spoken and I had to use the page down button almost half a dozen times! And that was just hours after the event! Imagine – there are separate departments in organizations, in fact, whole companies just engaged in parsing and researching each political statement for the extent of its falsehood!

I also wondered about working in such a company and depending on other peoples’ ability to lie to prove my own skill, and having my performance reviews and promotions tied to those lies – and having to analyze, day in and out, the anatomy of those lies like a medical student studying the wriggly, gooey insides of a belly.

But now I admit I was wrong.

First, lie-ferreting, as I call it, is the most secure job in the world, especially in these days of instant layoffs – after all, our politicians will never ever stop lying, so this is one job that you can count on forever. I mean, these lie-ferreters must be literally offering a prayer of thanks to our leaders every day for giving them each day their daily bread.

I do hope there are lobbyists for this kind of thing too, you know, pressurizing our politicians to stick to what they do best and not wander off the beaten path and start speaking the truth.  That kind of pressure is what is needed to keep this profession going.

Speaking of truth, I wonder if we need that flimsy illusion anymore, elusive as it is anyway.  Truth is rigid and inflexible.  Our civilization has matured and advanced for beyond that. We have become tolerant and broadminded.  Our morality is bendy and stretchy – we even grade those lies, from ‘just misleading’ to ‘outright falsehood’ and treat it like nothing more than an academic, multiple-choice exam.  We’ve found a nice, benign, suit-and-tie name for truth – ‘fact’ – and that makes it so impersonal and scientific and far away that we don’t have to care about it.

Our leaders have elevated the art of lying into a science, becoming adept at wrapping them up in layers and shades of subtle nuance.  Very soon it will be humanly impossible to analyze such prolific numbers and types of lies manually.  We’ll need super computers and the world’s best artificial intelligence software for this new science.  Maybe it’s time to color code these lies and develop common standards and a great international data warehouse of falsehoods. Every word spoken by a politician will go right from his mouth into a software program that will automatically analyze, grade and color code lies in real time and self-learn as it goes along.  Imagine the employment generation potential.  Imagine the advantage of comparing the lies of leaders from different countries and cultures, and providing data downloads to needy leaders.

I strongly recommend that the lobbyists petition the Congress to elevate the lie ferreting profession to an industry.  We were careless about our truthful politicians and drove them to extinction.  Let’s not allow that to happen to the lying ones.  Who knows, after some time, lie-ferreting may be the only profession we are left with.  Never fear, between our politicians and our lobbyists, ferreting lies can keep us all employed forever.

Next, lying must be made a mandatory qualification for any politician.  Not lying is not an option.  And we must re-elect only the ones who tell not just the most outrageous lies, but spin the most twisted, warped yarns. How else would you sustain an industry for lies if the raw material is not of industrial strength?

So next time you hear our candidate lie that they will create jobs, don’t think they are lying.  They are already doing just that.