MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

- a letter from the US

Dear friend,

It was nice to see your email. I wanted to reply immediately but was too busy doing nothing. My company is exploiting me - they overload me with so much nothing that I struggle to keep up with my own personal activities - like replying to emails.

I mean, I know I’m good at doing nothing but that doesn’t mean they have to dump me with so much of nothing. After all, there is only so much nothing one can do in a day, but these guys seem to think the day has more then twenty four hours. I complained to the boss about being stressed out doing nothing all the time, but he says he’s helpless. He himself has so much nothing to do, that he can’t but help delegating some of the nothing. He’s says that he’s tried to distribute nothing as evenly as possible among all the staff, but it may just be possible that I have more than my fair share, since I seem to be the best at achieving nothing. My boss, you know, is normally economical with his praise, so hearing even these few words about my being good for nothing was like nothing else.

I came away feeling quite pleased - it’s not everyday that one’s talents are recognized. I’m lucky to have a superior who’s sensed this ability of mine to deliver nothing consistently and is making full use of it. I have a lot to learn about doing nothing but with his help, I am confident that I can grow to be an expert at accomplishing nothing, under even the most adverse of circumstances.

There’s one good thing about nothing - the more you do it, the more you want to keep doing it. And the more you want to keep doing it, the more it gets into you. You get so immersed in it that you begin to merge with it - you become nothing. Of course, I am a long way from that state of nothing, but I am determined to leave nothing unturned in that ultimate quest for nothing. If Buddha could do it, why can’t I? Though I really don’t see why he had to go sit under a tree for that. He could have achieved it just doing nothing. The trick is to keep yourself focussed on doing nothing - something can tempt you and anything can be a distraction, but never give in. Self discipline, constant, relentless practice, unwavering commitment to nothing — that, in fact, is the True Path.

I bet you’re surprised by the spiritual progress I have achieved but that is nothing. It has its professional advantages too. Can you imagine what my resume will look like a few months from now - pages and pages of nothing, No wonder I have already received so many feelers from eager employers - after all, where else will they get this kind of experience at doing nothing? I understand from my colleagues that NASA would be the ideal employer for my skills - after all, they deal with space.

At the end of each day, there is such a feeling of accomplishment - it is better to be overworked doing nothing than just while away time doing something. The only problems I have now in my life are my thumbs

- I twiddle them so much all day doing nothing that they hurt every night. (One more reason for not being able to write to you) But it’s a small price to pay for my exposure to nothing - most other people struggle through their daily lives wanting to do something, doing something and achieving something else altogether. But my life’s mission is clear - want nothing, do nothing and achieve only nothing.

I really don’t know why my colleagues make such an ado about nothing. Granted, it takes patience but as you know, you can try anything but nothing cannot be achieved without giving up something. I too had to sacrifice a lot in the past few months. I sent my family back home and just last month, I sold off my own house so that I could rent an apartment. My boss keeps hinting that I too may have to go to India to provide expertise to the others who are doing nothing back there and hence the move. Sometimes I have so much nothing on my table, so to speak, that I don’t have place to eat, so I forgo a meal or two every now and then. Like I said, sacrifices have to be made.

So now that you know why I could not write immediately, I can get on with the business of replying to your email.

Well, to start with, I have been on the bench for quite a while now